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Russian anecdotes, russian jokes and humor
| | - Äîêòîð, óìîëÿþ, ïðèåçæàéòå íåìåäëåííî. Ó æåíû ïðèñòóï àïïåíäèöèòà!
- Íå âîëíóéòåñü. Äâà ãîäà íàçàä ÿ ñäåëàë âàøåé æåíå îïåðàöèþ. Ó ÷åëîâåêà íå ìîæåò áûòü âòîðîé àïïåíäèöèò!
- Êîíå÷íî äîêòîð! Íî ó ÷åëîâåêà ìîæåò ïîÿâèòüñÿ âòîðàÿ æåíà.
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| | (+41/41) recommend:  
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| | - Ìàäàì, ìîæíî ïðèãëàñèòü âàñ íà ÷àøêó êîôå?
- Ìîæíî, òîëüêî â ïîñòåëè íå êóðèòü!
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| | (+36/36) recommend:
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| | Ðàçãîâîð äâóõ ïîäðóã:
— Êîãäà ÿ âûéäó çàìóæ, ìíîãèå ìîè ïîêëîííèêè áóäóò îïå÷àëåíû!
— Íó ïî÷åìó ìíîãèå? Òû æå âûéäåøü òîëüêî çà îäíîãî.
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| | (+38/38) recommend:
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| | Íà ïðèåìå ó âðà÷à:
— ×àñòî ïüåòå?
— Åæåäíåâíî, íî áûâàþò è çàïîè...
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| | (+47/47) recommend:
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| | — Äîðîãàÿ, ó òåáÿ áûëè ìóæ÷èíû äî ìåíÿ?
— Íå áûëî, êëÿíóñü ñûíîì!
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| | (+41/41) recommend:
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| | Âåäóùèé ïðîãðàììû "Â ìèðå æèâîòíûõ" Äðîçäîâ:
Ñàìêè ïåíîïëàñòà çàáèðàþòñÿ â êàðòîííûå êîðîáêè ñ áûòîâîé òåõíèêîé, îòêëàäûâàþò òàì ñâîè ÿéöà è áåññëåäíî èñ÷åçàþò...
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| | (+24/24) recommend:
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| | Îäíîìó ÷åëîâåêó êàçàëîñü, ÷òî îí æèâ¸ò î÷åíü òÿæåëî. È ïîø¸ë îí îäíàæäû ê Áîãó, ðàññêàçàë î ñâîèõ íåñ÷àñòüÿõ è ïîïðîñèë ó Íåãî:
- Ìîæíî, ÿ âûáåðó ñåáå èíîé êðåñò?
Ïîñìîòðåë Áîã íà ÷åëîâåêà ñ óëûáêîé, çàâ¸ë åãî â õðàíèëèùå, ãäå áûëè êðåñòû, è ãîâîðèò:
- Âûáèðàé.
Çàø¸ë ÷åëîâåê â õðàíèëèùå, ïîñìîòðåë è óäèâèëñÿ:
- Êàêèõ òîëüêî çäåñü íåò êðåñòîâ: è ìàëåíüêèå, è áîëüøèå, è ñðåäíèå, è òÿæ¸ëûå, è ë¸ãêèå.
Äîëãî õîäèë ÷åëîâåê ïî õðàíèëèùó, âûèñêèâàÿ ñàìûé ìàëûé è ë¸ãêèé êðåñò, è íàêîíåö íàø¸ë ìàëåíüêèé-ìàëåíüêèé, ë¸ãåíüêèé-ë¸ãåíüêèé êðåñòèê, ïîäîø¸ë ê Áîãó è ãîâîðèò:
- Áîæå, ìîæíî ìíå âçÿòü ýòîò?
- Ìîæíî, - îòâåòèë Áîã. - Ýòî òâîé ñîáñòâåííûé è åñòü.
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| | (+45/45) recommend:
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| | Ïóñòûíÿ íà áåðåãó ìîðÿ. Èç ïåñêîâ âûïîëçàåò èçìîæäåííûé ÷åëîâåê è áðîñàåòñÿ ê ìîðþ ñ äèêèì âîïëåì:
- Âîäà-à-à!!.
À ñ äðóãîé ñòîðîíû ê áåðåãîâîé ëèíèè ïîäïëûâàåò äðÿõëûé ïëîò, è ñîâñåì óæå ñêåëåòîîáðàçíûé ïîëóòðóï õðèïèò:
- Çåìëÿ-ÿ-ÿ!!!
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| | (+44/44) recommend:
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| | - Òû âèäåë íîâûé ïî÷òîâûé êîíâåðò ñ ïîðòðåòîì ïðåçèäåíòà?
- Äà, âèäåë! Òåïåðü êàæäûé ìîæåò êóïèòü òàêîé êîíâåðò è ïîñëàòü åãî âìåñòå ñ ïðåçèäåíòîì êóäà çàõî÷åò...
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| | (+96/96) recommend:
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| | Well it all started back in elementary school...
The teacher asked me to read out loud to the class because it would work on my reading skills. What I didn't know was that he was video taping me for a project he was working on. Thinking that it would be funny, I pulled my pants down and showed the class my butt. Unfortunately, the teacher flipped on me and screamed for me to pull my pants up. I did, and was so embarrassed that I went to the restroom in my pants! That was very funny for them, but embarrassing for me!
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| | (+24/24) recommend:
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