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The Great Depression is here!!!
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Serega13
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1324 posts
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 posted 7/1/2008 3:15:00 PM
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Tips on how to survive The New Great Depression:
1. Make sure the shopping cart you steal to hold your stuff has four good wheels.
2. Hold out for that glossed cardboard, it holds up better in the rain
3. Dumpster dive at KFC. Fried chicken can stay good for days without going bad. Also, spoiled milk won't hurt you if it ISN'T pasteurized.
  
[Message edited by Sheriff on 7/1/2008 5:46:09 PM]
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Sheriff
Admin
4085 posts
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posted 7/1/2008 5:45:07 PM
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Not quite about Economic Recession or whatever...but...
The Cow Economy
TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cîws.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cîws.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cîws back, with a tax exemption for five cîws. The milk rights of the six cîws are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cîws back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cîws, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cîws. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cîws.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cîws. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cîws.
You go on strike because you want three cîws.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cîws.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty time the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowikimon and market them worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cîws.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cîws, but you don't know where they are... You break for lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cîws, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cîws.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cîws... both are mad.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cîws... and the one on the left is kinda cute...
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
I didn't like what they had, so let's come up with this one.
[Message edited by Sheriff on 7/1/2008 5:54:03 PM]
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Sheriff
Admin
4085 posts
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posted 7/1/2008 5:51:39 PM
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Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
A2: None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter!
A3: None, they're all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
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Q: How many central bank economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one -- he holds the light bulb and the whole earth revolves around him
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Economist Viruses
INTEREST GROUP ECONOMIST VIRUS - Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.
ECONOMETRICIAN VIRUS - Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
POLITICAL THINK TANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until next election.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS - nothing works on your system, but all your diagnostic software says everything is just fine.
SOVIET ECONOMIST VIRUS - Crashes your computer, but denies it ever happened.
MAINSTREAM ECONOMIST VIRUS - It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases then in "self-defense."
CENTRAL BANK ECONOMIST VIRUS - Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
MULTINATIONAL CORPORATION ECONOMIST VIRUS - Deletes all monetary files, but keeps smiling and sending messages about how the economy is going to get better.
SUPPLY SIDE ECONOMIST VIRUS - Puts your computer to sleep for four years. When your computer wakes up, you're trillion more dollars in debt.
NEW ECONOMY VIRUS - Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus." You can wipe it out, but it always makes a comeback.
ENVIRONMENTAL ECONOMIST VIRUS - Before allowing you to delete any file, it first asks you if you've considered the alternatives.
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Àêàêèé
2440 posts
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posted 7/1/2008 10:23:39 PM
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à ÷òî òàì áûëî äëÿ RUSSIAN CORPORATION?
íó ê ïðèìåðó
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. The cost to keep and maintain them in Moscow turned out to be too high, so to make a profit you take the cows on a tour to Czech Republic (or another European country), milk them there and bring back the cows with the milk. 
[Message edited by Àêàêèé on 7/1/2008 10:25:09 PM]
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Serega13
Moderator
1324 posts
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posted 7/2/2008 10:17:32 AM
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Russian Corporation:
You have two cows and no vodka, you let the western cow company milk both of your cows in return for some vodka. You then decide that you've had enough of those greedy bastards milking your cows and threaten to remove their milking license unless they return all 3 of your two cows and give you more vodka. You then arm yourself to the teeth to protect cows given to you by your ancestors from the foreign threat.
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Serega13
Moderator
1324 posts
author
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posted 7/2/2008 1:54:11 PM
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Indian corporation:
You have no cows, but you can train millions of people to milk someone else's cows for a fraction of the cost. You invest all your money into training your best scientists and engineers to milk cows oversees and send them all there in hopes they will improve your economy ... some day.
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