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Bayans.
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Walker
2573 posts
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 posted 4/10/2006 1:23:02 AM
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Bayans (old russians anecdotes):
Alcohol test.
A policeman stops a car and suggests an apparently drunken fellow to take a breath test. He blows, the thing shows: positive. He protests, cries he is a teetotaler and that the instrument isn't working properly. He says his wife is also a teetotaler. She blows- again positive. Then he gives it to their little kid on the backseat- also positive! The ashamed policeman lets them go. They take off and the man says to his wife:
- And you kept telling me: don't give the kid any alcohol, don't give the kid any alcohol!!
Girl, girls, girls.
A girl who was in the eighth grade said to her parents:
- Today we had a physician in our class. We all undressed and he conducted a check-up.
- And?
- You know, they found only one virgin in the entire class.
- Good girl.
- Yeah. But this was our teacher.
How to get some money.
An old woman came to a mental hospital to visit with her sick grandson.
As she walked toward the entrance to the ward, a man ran into her who was holding a "shvabra" (wooden stick) between his legs as if riding astride it. The woman all shrank in fear. The man said, "Take a seat, grandma, on this stick, I'll give you a ride. Just for three rubles."
The frightened woman paid three rubles and the man left her in peace.
A few steps closer to the entrance, another man of menacing appearance rushed toward the woman and said, "Grandma, let me cure you. Let me cure you, I'll cure you any way!!! Let me cure you!!!!!!! Just three rubles." The woman paid three rubles, the man spat on her head and ran away.
The woman went to the Chief Physician to complain. "What is it?" she said. "Is it a proper order that your lunatics roam the premises without supervision?"
"No, no," the Chief said. "Our psychic patients are all locked safely in. Those were medical students. That's how they moonlight to make some money."
[Message edited by Walker on 4/10/2006 1:28:12 AM]
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Walker
2573 posts
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posted 4/10/2006 1:31:22 AM
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Maria Ivanovna the teacher came to the class wearing a dress with a deep cut on her chest, and there hung an airplane-shaped silver pendant. Vovochka stared at the teacher throughout the class hour. The bell rang, and Maria Ivanovna asked, "What, Vovochka, do you like the airplane?"
"No, the landing strip."
In a pharmacy, the salesgirls shouts to a customer who is about to walk out, "H-e-ey, man! I am talking to you!"
"What's matter?"
"Instead of Calcium Chloride, I gave you by mistake Calcium Cyanide."
"So, what am I supposed to do?"
"Nothing. Just pay to the cashier 5 rubles more."
One programmer tells another:
- Imagine, yesterday I came back home ealier than usual, and my wife was in bed with a strange man. And eyes of the both were so cunning... I suspected something at once, jumped to my computer, tried to enter the Internet - and they, bastards, had changed the password...
A plumber was called to woman's apartment to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly.
About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on the way home, but is going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off."
The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief.
"What? On my own time??"
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