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A 96-Year-Old's Letter To The Bank
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Cheburaha
199 posts
 author
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 posted 1/25/2006 5:29:06 PM
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Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a
>> 96-year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have
>> it published in the New York Times.
>>
>> Dear Sir:
>> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
>> endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three
>> nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and
>> the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer,
>> of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire income, an
>> arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
>> You ! are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,
>> and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the
>> inconvenience caused to your bank.
>>
>> My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
>> caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas
>> I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try
>> to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,
>> prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
>>
>> >From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
>> person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and he! reafter
>> no longer be automatic, but w ill arrive at your bank, by check,
>> addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank
>> whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the
>> Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
>>
>> Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require
>> your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages,
>> but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows
>> about me, there is no alternative.
>>
>> Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
>> countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of
>>! ; his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
>> must be accompanied by documented proof.
>>
>> In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which
>> he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be
>> shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of
>> button presses required of me to access my account balance on your
>> phone bank service.
>>
>> As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me
>> level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the
>> buttons as follows:
>> 1. To make an appointment to see me.
>> 2. To query a missing payment.
>> 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
>> 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
>> 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
>> 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
>> 7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
****
[Message edit
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Cheburaha
199 posts
author
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posted 1/25/2006 5:30:18 PM
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7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
>> computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later
>> date to the Authorized Contact.
>> 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
>> 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
>> put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
>> While th! is may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
>> will play for the duration of the call.
>>
>> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
>> establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
>>
>> May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year.
>>
>> Your Humble Client
****
My new hero 
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Leny
813 posts
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posted 1/25/2006 6:29:54 PM
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that's fantastic, unfortunately they might not agree
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dan123
3401 posts
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posted 1/25/2006 6:38:59 PM
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К сожалению так не работает. Самый простой вариант позвонить в банк и попросить чтобы вернули деньги. Если это случилось в первый раз, или не чаще скольки-то раз, то они, как правило, прощают - я проверял.
Но в данном случае женщина выбрала более сложный путь - газета заплатила ей гонорар, который перекрыл сумму штрафа. И всё осталось по-старому. Иметь с ними дело персонально гораздо хуже. 
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